What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:40
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What are some tips for braiding a woman's hair on a date?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Where can I get sure fixed matches on Instagram?
I think the readers, may guess!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She married twice! .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I waited trembling.
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She wouldn,t have been !
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Would this be the day?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Can you write a short story with a twist ending?
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot live in the past .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She loved him until the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ive learnt so much.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I said to her
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It was going to be , some day.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was in good health!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was scared of men, in general
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We all went to grammer schools
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were not on the streets..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He knew the spot.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I have no regrets .
But ive been too sick for many years..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So whats the point in blame.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I write beautiful poetry .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im still living with it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is soul school!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it wasn’t much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
All the time i was locked up.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So, i spoilt her more .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.